Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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