The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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