You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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