Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
