That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are we still banned from the library?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
