so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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