we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
