I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
