i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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