is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
