Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
