The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
