Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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