She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
