dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
