Im at strip club and am horny
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
