38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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