Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
