It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Welp...herpes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
