is your mom at the bar?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
love makes seman taste better
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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