Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
