I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Even my vagina gasped.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
