He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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