Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
