I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
