in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I did not marry a roomba.
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