Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
