And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
