So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
