i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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