You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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