How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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