She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
