Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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