Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
