East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
