he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
