You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My pussy is not your playground.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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