i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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