i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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