the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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