Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
