i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
