ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
