Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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