Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
