So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
