My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The feeling are messing with the penis
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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