i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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