i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she told me i tasted like america
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i think i just lost a toe
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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