I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
