Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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