I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
