guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
