I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
