Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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