I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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