day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
