TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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