I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
