winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
