So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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