Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
