Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
