In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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