Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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