giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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