She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
