She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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